Undone Bindings of a Treasured Book

As I continue to discuss my story with you, I realize how difficult it was to piece it all together as I was going through my breakdown.  I’ve compared it to purchasing a book that you were really interested in and excited to read but as you started the first paragraph, you couldn’t read it in order.  You had to skip to paragraph 3 on page 87 and then to paragraph 9 on page 238.  Can you imagine how difficult it would be to truly capture the plot and begin to understand the characters yet be so excited to figure it all out? 

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How about dumping out the contents of a 1700 piece puzzle and not having a cover to give you an idea of what you are putting together.  Traveling to a place that you’ve studied the landscape and tourist stops of, you’ve never been there and you are headed out with no sense of direction, no GPS, no map.  This is how I felt.

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So many thoughts circling through my head like a typhoon.

Why did I do ____? Why did I do ____?  I’ve been so stupid. I am stupid. Why am I such a loser? Why can’t I just fit in with the people that have it together? Why can’t I be successful? Why can’t I be a good mother? Why can’t I be a good wife? Constantly comparing myself to everyone else.  Never good enough on the inside and in my thoughts but putting on the Ms. Perfect Costume and speech for everyone else to see.  Wow.  Now we’re getting somewhere. 

If you’re a reader/follower of my blog, I hope you can somehow make sense of my puzzle with no cover or this book with undone bindings and pages that are out of order. Thanks for reading.

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