The night that the unicorns ate the gasoline lollipops and starting spitting fire all over the cotton candy forest pretty much sucked. I called the firefighter (God) and prayed for Him to extinguish the flames. I was feeling like that guy that calls 911 all of the time asking for something or another. I keep asking Him to reaffirm things for me. I’m feeling so high maintenance right now.
The thing that is causing me the most stress is this… We just moved into a new home and while we are somewhat frugal
if it’s on clearance I should probably own it and NEVER pay full price, coupon coupon coupon, your kleenex might get 3 blows of the nose but mine gets about 34 before I’ll waste it and grab a new one, if bread has mold on it, pick it off because the rest of it is still fine, we still have our share of expenses every month. I was fortunate to have a career that more than paid the bills. My job allowed for us to start a nest egg and drive vehicles that had less than 100K miles on them. We have been blessed.
Now, after becoming bff’s with the Lord, I have prayed for direction and every sign and answer has pointed to leaving my career since my breakdown/Spiritual Awakening. The career that defined me. The career that paid the bills. Woah.
Most days, I feel confident that He called me to write, to reach out to others, to speak publicly, to tell my story. That message has seemed so loud and clear. I wake up most days with very little fear and doubt and truly have FAITH that this is exactly where He wants me to be. I wake up living in today and trying to only look at my feet on the path and follow Him, not looking beyond that.
The fire in the cotton candy forest was one of the days where I doubted and I was scared. Lots of tears. I was waiting for the ISON Comet (http://www.planetary.org/blogs/guest-blogs/2013/1119-comet-ison-enters-the-final.html) to crash in my bedroom and take me out.
So… the wretch that is me… He decides to remind that wretch to be silent and trust that He is fighting for me. He has a great friend of mine text me at 715AM to tell me how she hasn’t stopped reading my blog except to use the bathroom or grab a glass of water. She can relate to my stories and thinks I should get out and speak to people. YEEEEHAW! Someone likes the craziness pouring out of me and onto the interwebs.
Moments later, my daughter and I were reading Jesus Calling and it reminded us to live in this moment and trust that He is with us to handle every obstacle.
Nope, He’s still not done. Next, he has us turn on the Today show where they feature Allie Brosh. They discuss how she became a successful blogger, sharing her stories of dark depression which lead to her writing a book. Lord, I hope you are telling me something, here.
Nope, still not done. I get a call from a very special person whom I believe will be somehow connected to my new path in a career and friendship sense. I think we’ll do speaking events together or co-write a book… something is there. Anyhoo (true Minnesoooootan accent there, Folks, you betcha) She tells me she believes in what I’m doing, that she is SUPER proud of me, wants to share my blog and story with people! And… here’s the kicker… the photos found on my blog entries where I have mentioned her previously, are on her vision board. A vision board she has had since before she knew me or had seen my blog. Okay. Heavens to Betsy. He really knows that I’m stubborn and I think He gets a kick out of showing me the answers over and over again.
I’m floored. I feel so special. I feel so loved. I feel a love that brings me to tears. I can’t tell you how amazed I am. I’m in awe that He can be best friends with so many of us. He can come into your life and put out the fire in your cotton candy forest, too. He is the fire fighter.
Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you, and you only have to be silent.
I’m going to add another post with my inspiration for tonight. Jefferson Bethke’s What is Faith. It will be my next post.