Polar Opposites

How can I feel exhausted after sleeping nearly two days?  Time doesn’t make sense.  I forget conversations. I’m tired. I’m lost.

I go from being ready to change lives to not being sure if I’m alive.  I tell everyone I’m sick, which is not a lie. I am sick.  My body hurts. My head hurts.  I can’t focus.

I love bipolar. It gives me moments of feeling I can change the world, making plans to do so, wanting everyone to understand that it only takes ONE person to start a movement. Oh… and I love sooo hard and with my whole heart. 

I hate bipolar. Within hours, it’s a battle to leave my bedroom. I push myself to take a shower. Even breathing is a task. #/*$ bipolar. Can’t I just be normal?!

I wish i could get people to understand but how can I explain to others what I cant wrap my own head around.

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2 thoughts on “Polar Opposites

  1. I’ve come to believe that all our lives are uniquely complicated. I don’t suffer from depression, well not diagnosed anyway, but I do have my periods where I’m up then I’m down. As I said I don’t have depression, and can’t completely relate to you, but I do understand that some days I wonder what am I doing? Although my life is generally good, I don’t have some of those things that I think I should have, married, career, and a house. You know all those things society tells us that we should have, otherwise we’re not complete.
    I’ve been learning to accept who I am, and that there is a larger purpose to who I am. To not be defined by what society thinks I am, to be me and let that be enough. When I was feeling good, I was really instrumental in helping friends make sense of relationship woes. Now I’m down, I don’t want to really be around people, I spend most of my day’s home aside from work. It does feel safe being home, not seeing anyone, and just being by myself. I suppose that the holidays probably bring that out in me.
    I started following you because I like that you embrace who you are, with all your nuances. I like that you’ve put it all out there, by being bold and letting yourself be vulnerable. Despite your depression, I like that you still find time to embrace who you are, and not let people define your happiness. I both commend you and admire that. I don’t know that’s all I have 🙂

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