I am going to make an effort to write a post when I’m truly in the midst of the darkness. For me, it’s not easy to write in that state. I end up deleting the few sentences I’m able to type. Usually, it doesn’t make sense. I never think it’s good enough to post. When I find myself stuck in that fog, I don’t think anything is good enough. I could have the next 1984 on my screen and after re-reading it for the 18th time, I delete it because it’s horrible and lacks a punch line or it’s too dark. Maybe it’s just too dang hard to keep my focus long enough to click the PUBLISH button. Something will always be wrong with it because the writer isn’t a writer. She’s a lazy, weak, waste of space. That is the tape that plays over and over again when I’m in that awful place.
Depression is an a$$hole. He’s like the old, drunk, creepy guy at the club that searches for the weakest prey and persists until the bouncer comes around. Depression doesn’t really have a bouncer, though. The bouncer get’s axed at the door, along with any other security on staff. Depression doesn’t want anybody there to help out or to make sure the area is safe. Depression wants to be alone with you so it can devour you, piece by rotting piece.
It’s amazing how I’ve found others on WP that seem to speak my language. I’m starting to feel like there are people out there that truly know this darkness, too. I’m sad to know that others suffer like this but I’m grateful to those that have the guts to post about it. I think that once we out that SOB and start talking about him and putting a face to his name, something changes. It’s like the bouncer has a chance to look at the most wanted list and at least notice Depression when he pays the cover charge at the door. We’re not alone and we can start learning triggers, coping skills, leaning on one another. If nothing else, we come across a blog that tells us the story of how there is hope that in only 24 hours, you could have a better day. For me, today is a better day. 🙂
Thank for for Daring Greatly. You inspired me and helped me this week. Please, keep writing!! Stay strong.