Still here.  Wasting space.  Miracle of the day.  I fed my family breakfast and dinner.  That’s it.  I know I’ll crawl out again but I’m so f’ing sick of my lack of control.  I was a control freak before.  I let myself feel when i felt the need. Now. .. Im all over the place.  It’s intense. I scheduled appt with psychiatrist for med mngmt. Requested a cb because her next appt is mid Jan. I wish that nobody knew this blog was me. I’m so twisted that it even scares me. Why would God give me such a beautiful child, incredible husband… to have me put them through this? Ugh Im so tired of fighting.  So tired of being a burden . So sick of ppl seeing this darkness in me.


One thought on “Blah

  1. Hello Darlin’, it ‘s your old pal, *twilight*. I thought I would chime in on this particular post because I want to remind you of the progress you’ve made. It may not feel like it, and that damn Depression can be much louder, but you have made gains. For the first time, I feel like I’m seeing the real you, and when we get real it gets messy. You have had the courage to speak out about everything that has scared you, you have had the courage to be vulnerable. You’ve started a blog, you’re thinking about how to rebuild your life, you’re trying to be the person you want to be- you amaze me and are inspiring to so many. You are in a marathon right now: you jog a few miles, take a break when you’re too exhausted, and once you’re recovered you get back up again until you need to take a break. Repeat. And what your daughter is seeing right now is a mother who hasn’t given up the fight. She sees people who love you and care about you, who rally around you. She sees that when someone is struggling, family and friends have your back. You are teaching her about unconditional love and the reality that some people face illnesses, physical and mental. Same goes for your hubby. Hugs, peace, and lots of love to you.


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