Still here. Wasting space. Miracle of the day. I fed my family breakfast and dinner. That’s it. I know I’ll crawl out again but I’m so f’ing sick of my lack of control. I was a control freak before. I let myself feel when i felt the need. Now. .. Im all over the place. It’s intense. I scheduled appt with psychiatrist for med mngmt. Requested a cb because her next appt is mid Jan. I wish that nobody knew this blog was me. I’m so twisted that it even scares me. Why would God give me such a beautiful child, incredible husband… to have me put them through this? Ugh Im so tired of fighting. So tired of being a burden . So sick of ppl seeing this darkness in me.