Toddler to AARP Member

Cliche. This week has been a rollercoaster.

Medicine will bring me back to life or kill me.  Seriously.


I went to the ER last night. Why?  Because I realized I had lost a few more days of memory.  Not just an hour or two. The whole flipping day.  I have fallen down the stairs twice this week and caught myself from a fall on Saturday night.  No, I’m not drinking or doing any recreational drugs.

Xanax? I was taking more than prescribed when I’d get into my dark depression hoping it would make me numb or make me feel better. I hear a lot about Hollywood Stars taking it so I thought it might work.  Nope.  It didn’t do a dang thing. When I’m truly experiencing anxiety or having a panic attack, it does calm me down and make me normal but taking more of it or using it when I don’t have those ailments, is a waste. So I have ruled out Xanax, alcohol and other substances, my blood pressure medication. I’ve been on 40MG of Prozac and 200MG Lemectal for awhile.  Those didn’t seem to effect me this way.  I started taking Doxepin for sleep… which has been a miracle drug for my sleep! Wow, I LOVE falling asleep instead of lying there for hours, tossing and turning.The only medicine that cradles me and sings me to sleep.

I’m probably going to ramble a lot in this post. My thoughts are all over the place. Hopefully you’re still with me.

So, at the ER last night, they took me to the “crazy” ward.  I know I was there in my teens but I have no recollection of it. They took all of my possessions, gave me an orange shirt and pants (I felt like I was in Orange is the New Black) and bonus… I got to wear my very own socks and under-roos. They did an MRI of my brain which came back normal, drew blood which came back fine, as well. My urine sample was good, too. Thought it might be seizures. Stopping my Tramodol that I used for my sprained shoulder to see if that helps. Relief.

orange jumpsuit

Losing memory of multiple days is terrifying when you’re 32 years old.  Falling down 3x in a week is scary.  Not understand what the f%#$ is wrong with me was eating me up and my anxiety was tuned up BIG TIME.  Was I somehow 90 years old with these symtoms? WTH?!

As I type this, I feel like a toddler sitting in the high chair.  I’m two years old and my eyes are so heavy as I bob my head back and forth fighting sleep. I hear a noise and I’m jumped a few times already but I’m so close to dropping my head against the keyboard and falling asleep. I’m sure my husband would find that attractive. Me in my sweats and tshirt, keyboard indents all over my face and drool all over it. You’re extremely happy I gave you that mental image, right?  HAHA!

cpu sleep

I have so much more to tell you but we’ll take a rain check. I really have to take a few minutes to slow my thoughts and let my eyes rest.

Hugs to my WP Followers.


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